HOW TO ESCAPE A 400 MILLION NAIRA DEBT

On Sunday, September 15th, 2024, a certain social media user announced on X (formerly known as Twitter) that he had been involved in an exotic car racing accident. The cars damaged in this accident include a 2022 Jeep Grand Cherokee which cost roughly 300 million Naira, a 2022 Chevrolet Corvette which is priced at 160 million Naira, and a Dodge Challenger with the cost of repair tagged at 3 million Naira.

It’s not every day you wake up with 400 million naira in your account. What are the odds that you would ever see that amount of money at once in your account in your lifetime? I get it, you are among the large population that wakes up with a frown and hiss whenever the woman at the market tells you the new price of pepper, onion, etc. So imagine waking up on a not -so- fateful day with exactly 9,965 naira in your account and ending the day with such an outrageous debt after complaining bitterly about the forty-five naira charge your bank deducted upon receiving your ten thousand naira alert. Not the fairy tale anyone would wish for, right? Don’t worry, if you follow these steps you get to avoid any kind of generational curse disguised as a financial burden in your lifetime.

1. Come from a wealthy family: You mustn’t miss this step. If you miss it, you’re one kidnapper or car race away from a generational Gbese. Interestingly, if you come from such a wealthy family you may even develop immunity against kidnappers, especially if your daddy is a well-known wealthy politician. I don’t know how it happens just be nice to the angel that will handle your placement and see for yourself.

2. Never Involve yourself in exotic car racing: I don’t even know why you are car racing if your last name is not Okoya, Dangote, Otedola, Adeleke, etc. c.  Please involve yourself in hobbies you can afford. Maybe stick to Ludo or Checkers (drafts), the board cannot be too expensive for you.

3. Read self-help books: I’m sure they teach the art of negotiating in self-help books, maybe 48 Laws of Power or something else. I know I said how to avoid generational financial liability, but just in case you cannot escape it.  Recite rule number 33 of Robert Greene’s book to the owner of the exotic cars, maybe they’ll reduce the price from 400m to 200m or even 50m. Don’t forget to know your worth while you’re at it and remind them of what you bring to the table.

4. Crowdfund properly: in any case your negotiation works, (I believe in you, I know it will) you can crowdfund online for the remaining funds. Please don’t maintain Steeze and composure while you are at it, remember, you’re begging Nigerians for help. They have to feel like your messiah and you have to act like you will die if they don’t help. Be a proper charity case, no use of sentences like ” Imma need all the help I can get” and you better not call your messiahs “the masses.”

5. Do not forget to come from a very wealthy family; I mean the kind of wealth that can build a bowling area in the sitting room and let your family house have elevators. It better be the size of three massive castles and the water in the swimming pool better be drinkable. That’s the kind of wealth that can comfortably pay a 400m naira debt.

Do you have more ideas on how to avoid generational curses like such debts that will make you a laughing stock for your enemies? Let me know in the comment section.