“FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS” HAS A NEW NAME

In our wild west of contemporary romance, an interesting concept is stirring up the dating scene. Let’s call it a state of uncertainty when you’re not exactly in a committed relationship but you’re definitely not just friends. Across many Nigerian campuses, the concept of situationship is slowly becoming a thing, generally accepted and practiced by most students, juggling academic pressures and social commitments while trying to find a balance with their desires. Typically, a situationship is a relationship that involves sexual activity without the commitment of exclusivity from the parties involved. Something more than a friendship, but less than a committed relationship. It’s usually very casual and its distinctive feature is that it is not defined. In most situationships, parties involved do not get to expect loyalty and accountability from their sexual partners, while a few people set ground rules to navigate the complexity that is bound to come with this kind of relationship, others do not.

While the no-strings-attached relationships are not a novel concept in the Nigerian university scene, the new generation of students has only embraced it openly, shedding the stigma and shame that surrounds sex and everything linked to it. The term situationship is a modern creation of the new generation, coined from two words, situation, and relationship. It expressly describes the state of affairs, undefined and casual romance, nothing more.Social media has also made it a lot easier for our generation to get into the “cuffing season” and talk about their experience openly.

For so many people who have experienced this gray area and are still currently navigating them, there isn’t a particular road map to getting into one, staying in one or even getting out of one.While some people start with a verbal agreement between parties, others have attested to just waking up and finding themselves in the murky waters of a situationship. Interestingly, the set of people who start with a verbal agreement tend to be the ones who lay the ground rules for navigating this situation. These ground rules may vary from requiring accountability and exclusivity from parties involved as well as an exit clause. Although heartbreaks and heartburns aren’t meant for only a specific set of people, these sets of people tend to ease the pain of potential heartbreak from a situationship with these rules. As much as everyone would love to believe that there are no strings involved or attached more than half the time, strings do get attached.Staying in can also be a bit tricky, especially when one party has developed feelings and the other is unaware or even uninterested. It’s not a typical relationship where certain intimate conversations can be had between partners, especially about feelings, trust, insecurities, jealousy, and a lot more.

People, especially students, get into such relationships for so many reasons, best known to them. For some, it is the desire for intimacy, the desire to explore their sexuality without having to commit to a long-term relationship. For others who are hesitant to be in a serious relationship, their motivating factor is the fear of commitment and unavailability to fulfill the demands of a relationship at whatever point they find themselves in life right now. In today’s society, where the sustenance and maintenance of a romantic relationship is contingent on the ability of the parties to provide for each other, financially, (in most cases the man providing for the woman), a lot of people out there refuse to get involved with anyone romantically, their primary reason, being, their inability to provide for anyone else except themselves at their current stage in life thereby resulting to casual dating and hookups with no tags and no labels.

So many people would argue about the pros and cons of getting into a situationship, like every other concept of human endeavor it has its advantages and disadvantages. While some may argue that it provides some sense of sexual clarity others agree that it can get intense, sometimes leading to requited love. Oftentimes, its intensity can be a bit heart-wrenching for the parties involved. Regardless, the kind of emotions or heartache that comes with this modern evolution of a relationship is solely based on the type of situationship one finds themselves in. Some of these types could easily pass for phases or stage, they include;

1. No- Strings- Attached Relationship: this is the kind that sets off with parties involved aware of the nature of relationship from the get go. It is usually a non committed sexual relationship without any sort of emotional attachment. Here, the individuals are usually only interested in one common goal, sex, not getting to know each other on a personal basis or getting to meet each other’s friends or building a connection, just, sex.

2. Casual Dating/ Evolving relationship: this particular situation tends to be a bit tricky as parties involved are usually open to a possible romantic relationship. This situation can also pass for a stage or phase, sometimes evolving into a committed  relationship. Oftentimes, the nature of the connection is undefined.

3. Labels Avoidance: in this scenario, one or both parties may act like they’re in  a relationship but suggest that no labels or tags be added to it. Not that typical “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” situation. The nature of the relationship is not stated by both parties, this could be in a bid to  maintain a sense of freedom or to avoid personal conflicts

Whatever type of situationship an individual finds themselves in  depends on the kind of person involved, the mental, emotional or financial ability, or whatever it is they seek from such an arrangement. As stated above, like every other aspect of human endeavor this experience has its pros and cons. When compared to traditional dating or committed relationships the advantages include;

1. More flexibility and less pressure : this kind of relationship affords the parties involved so much flexibility and less pressure as opposed to committed relationships where parties involved are held accountable for their actions and always act in consideration of each other to prove their love and commitment to each other.

2. Opportunity to focus on personal growth:  a lot of people would argue that situationships afford them the opportunity to focus on their personal growth and development by avoiding the expectations that would typically be required of them in a committed relationship.

Nevertheless, there also exist disadvantages to this, they include;

1. Uncertainty: if you’re uncertain about your place in a lover’s life or where things stand between you both, then you are most likely in a situationship. The traditional dating method hinged upon parties assuring, reassuring and affirming their partner’s place in their lives, either by word of mouth or actions to back up those words.

2. Bridge in communication: accept it or not, there are a lot of calculations and permutations that go on with this agreement, because the nature is mostly undefined, partners will find it hard to  discuss their feelings or plans without feeling like they are pushing for commitment.

One’s reason for involvement in a situationship can vary for so many reasons, regardless it is important to note that being involved in such requires a full grip on your mental state and ability to also handle the possibility of falling for someone and getting your heart shattered.