THE BUG’S IJGB SURVIVAL GUIDE

December is just around the corner, and Christmas bells are ringing. Guess what else will soon be ringing? Your phone. It’s IJGB (I Just Got Back) season, and hopefully, the Nigerian economy won’t prevent them from raining fresh minted dollars and Naira. Careful, we don’t want your tears to join the rainy season. Here are a few guidelines you might want to follow this season.

DON’T DO IT! : You know what we mean: don’t start something you might not be able to finish in one piece. Then again, you’re reading this, so there’s a 50 percent chance you’ve already established a connection with an IJGB. All hope is not lost; let’s manage the situation and see what can be salvaged.

ASK THEM TO SHOW WORKINGS: come on, we all know you want the money; after all, you’re keeping them company and risking falling in love. You might as well make them fund your Detty December. It’s a win-win situation. Everyone leaves with a smile on their face, and if they run away, well, isn’t it obvious? They’re not the one!

DON’T FALL IN LOVE: we cannot emphasise this enough. Those IJGBs are here for an incredibly short and exciting time, not a long time. So while you’re both dancing your hearts out to Gabzy, keep in mind that it’s never going to be more than “friends.”

BE DISCREET : What’s a detty December without pictures for the gram to pepper the fans and haters? Absolutely love this for you. This advice is intended for those who are trying to transition a talking stage into a relationship soon. Please don’t use your IJGB situation-ship to pursue a talking stage that might just turn out to be the love of your life. Hide it if you can.

DIVE IN WITH A LIFE JACKET: We’ve warned you before, and we’re doing it again—hold your ears and listen. Be careful! With your heart, December will soon be over, and they will leave. You don’t want to be caught texting them in the middle of the night when they’re over it. Wetin go come do your steeze?

Good luck! May the odds be in your favor. If they are not, manipulate them.